Cookie cutter.....I think not!

We were at the thrift store last Monday with my friend Andria. She had to head home (30 minutes from here), so the boys and I went with her while she paid for her things, said our goodbyes, then kept looking around. I was looking at the books and had given Lucas a book to look at. He was asking me questions about the book (it was a book about different jobs and had a dog dressed up as different professions). I had already answered lots of questions and he was asking me questions I had already answered. I was browsing the books and he'd say, "And what is this one, Momma?". Well, without looking, I couldn't answer, so I'd look at a few books, then turn to look at his book and answer him. But, before I could answer, he'd ask a few times. Never did he yell, but would just get a little louder each time. A woman (probably 60 or so) came over and said something to him. I don't even remember what, but I think it was "excuse me". Lucas paid her no attention, so I said, "Lucas, someone is trying to talk to you." Lucas briefly acknowledged her, so she began talking to him. "How about I join you with your yelling. Do you think we'd make a good team?" Lucas answered, "Yes." She laughed a bit and said, "No, I don't think so. Are you in school?" I told her that he would be starting kindergarten. I didn't say I'd be homeschooling (or that he had already gone to a year and a half of pre-school through the public school system), so she proceeded, "You know what they are going to tell you at school? To use your inside voice." At this point I told her that he is Autistic. Now, I have had a couple of doctors tell me they think he is, but he has never been diagnosed with it. His current doctor actually says she doesn't believe it is Autism, but ADHD and that is the diagnosis she has given him. Regardless, he does have a lot of the characteristics and I wanted this woman to back off. I said, "Well, he is Autistic, so that is a hard one." "Oh. I know. I worked with kids for 20 years." I let it roll off my back pretty easily and she probably thought she was helping me out. Had her tone been a bit different, I might have responded differently, but it does bother me that just because my child looks "normal" people think it is okay to comment on his behavior. It just makes me wonder, if my child appeared handicapped and was being loud, would a person still think it was okay to try to quiet him??

I should add. I don't let Lucas just yell and carry on. I do try to quiet him and if it becomes too much, one of us will usually leave with him. I have to admit that I've learned to tune a lot of it out (as his doctor's have told me to ignore the bad if it isn't too bad and give lots of praises for the good). So, I'm not constantly reprimanding him for being noisy. I try to quiet him if we are in public, but usually my efforts are useless. I've really gotten to the point that I don't care if people don't get it. It isn't fair to me or my boys to try to shield them, so we go and carry on just like anyone else, we just happen to be a bit noisier about it. It just really makes me wonder when everyone is going to realize that we don't all fit into a cookie cutter mold.