Friday, May 7, 2010

Saying the words......

I haven't really posted about this here, but I've decided to just get it out there. Lucas is small for his age. His ped wanted him to be tested to make sure that everything was okay (this I have posted about and it was a while ago). Everything was okay (as I suspected), but once that test came back normal, I felt she was just trying to find something wrong with him. She referred me to a couple of specialists and I never went.

To me, I thought perhaps he was a bit behind on things, but not too far. Lucas is a very stubborn child and when his doctor would ask him questions, he pretty much refused to answer....even if he knew the answer. Because I knew he could answer the questions, I did NOT take him to the specialists. Something changed in him. Looking back now, I've been trying to put my finger on when it happened. I don't remember. I do know that in November of last year, it came to a point that I realized that there was something going on with him and I needed help. I took him to Child Find to have him evaluated. It was a lengthy process, but they determined Lucas to be "developmentally delayed". I wasn't prepared to hear those words. I had actually heard them from his ped before and brushed them off. She used the words "globally developmentally delayed". Child Find told me that he is delayed, but they don't think he is globally delayed. Regardless, no mother wants their child to have something wrong with them. Obviously I love Lucas very much and I don't want him to have to struggle in life. As his mother, it is my job to give him every opportunity to succeed. As I already said, I realized that I needed help with him. Something is going on and I don't know what it is.

Because of this, I made the very, very hard decision to send him to pre-school (through Child Find at the public school in a class for special needs kids). Being that I homeschool Logan at 7, it was not an easy thing for me to send my 4 year old off to school. Lucas has been in school for about a month now and he loves it. Even though I know he loves it, I still feel like I am missing out on a big portion of his day. I have to keep telling myself that I am doing this because it is what is best for Lucas.

I finally did call to make an appointment with a specialist, but they can't get me in until September! In the meantime, we have our good days and we have our bad days. Since he has started school, I do see some major changes in him. Then we also have the days where he comes home so exhausted from school that it is immediate melt down mode. He goes to school 5 days a week for a half day and his teacher comes to the house every other week. Before he started school, his teacher was coming every week to get to know him. We also went to the school so he could meet his class mates and see his room.

I know that Lucas was given to us for a reason. I truly can't explain the love that I have for him. He knows how to push my buttons, but he also knows how to make my heart melt without even trying. Just tonight I put him in the tub and I looked at how little he looks in the tub and my heart melted. Watching him play with the "baubles" in the tub made my heart melt. Tucking him into bed and him giving me "two nose-noses" made my heart melt. There is just something about my Lucas.

I think I am rambling and I'm not really sure why I am posting all this, but I am. I'm just now getting to the point that I can tell people that he is developmentally delayed.....and you know what?? It's okay!! I love him just the same.

As a side note, I've talked to a friend about Lucas and she pointed me towards sensory processing disorder. I think this could very likely be what is going on with him.

And because I thought you might enjoy them, here are a few pictures of him on his first day of school!!

The sun is bright, Momma!I'm ready!
This backpack is BIG!
I AM smiling, Momma! (This truly is how he smiles if you say smile!)
See you after class, Momma!


Tammy said...

Oh Candi...being a mama is so hard sometimes...

I am sending warm thoughts and keeping you in my prayers, my dear. ♥

Audra said...

So glad you got that off your chest. I'm sure there's a little relief in just saying it. I'm very proud of you and you are a GREAT momma!

TheAngelForever said...

Candi, you are a fabulous mother. So glad that you shared and others, like myself can let you know you are not alone. As you probably know, NHL went to Early Intervention at age two since he was not walking. Right now I am in a hellish fight to get JSL checked out for speech. He talks up a storm, but often can not be understood and is very frustrated. Once again I was given the wrong information from EI, but thank goodness the school district is helping me. Hugs coming your way. Know that you can e-mail me if you ever need to chat.

Angie said...

So, proud of you, my friend. I know it's been a long road. Our children really make us become better people as we learn to love them for who they are. Lucas has just the right momma!

Christi said...

I know it has been a hard process for you - but you're such a good mama to take the steps needed for Lucas!!

And as a side note... he looks so old in those pictures (in the face)! I still picture him as a baby!